In a recent journal of Psychological Science, a research study reported that people are often allergic to creative ideas. They’d rather keep trying the old way of doing things—even if they don’t get the results they were hoping for—than risk a new behavior.
I find this information in sync with my own experience coaching singles. Whenever suggestions are made about how to go about meeting someone, and those suggestions are different from traditionally held views on being asked out or finding dates, those ideas are often met with fear, disbelief, or humor bordering on sarcasm. “Different” approaches to dating are not always considered reliable options. The looks on people’s faces suggest I have just urged them to leap from a speeding train. Obviously, they would prefer to stick with the tried and familiar dating practices of old—even if they aren’t working for them.
Recently, I asked a group of singles to list the places they had visited where they could engage in meeting someone, like coffee shops, the gym, seminars, hikes, bike trips, social gatherings, religious based groups, singles based get-togethers, reunions, neighborhood parties, sports events, conferences, trade shows, and Internet dating sites. Then I asked them to write down the amount of time they had spent in these places and the number of people they had talked to, networking to meet someone for dating. What was the astonishing answer to the above? Almost zero.
What were these people DOING to meet someone? Waiting. Waiting for someone to come along and find them. Some of them were waiting to lose weight, get a better job, move out of their parent’s basement, inherit some money, or for their kids to grow up. But essentially…everyone was just waiting.
How about trying some new ways to meet someone instead of waiting for life to happen? Why not develop a plan? Start with polishing your profile and posting a better picture for your dating site. Try asking five people if they know someone wonderful who is single that they could introduce you to. Then…next week, ask five more. Attend some single’s events, take a class or a seminar, or show up at a local group that does something you’re interested in. Fight your allergies to being afraid of new ideas by trying one at a time. Seize your courage…and a box of Kleenex if that helps…because there’s no better time to build your immune system than now.
4 Reasons You Don’t Get Asked Out
I’ve met lots of attractive people who cannot seem to get connected with a good date online. They feel discouraged and even bitter about it. They say things, like, “Internet dating is NOT for me.” They think it’s the medium…rather than the message they are putting out there. I’ve come to understand that the WAY they are doing Internet dating is what is causing the problem. Because the truth is, there are millions and millions of people who are online every day looking for someone and not only do they find great dates…many of them find their soul mate. Here are the four main reasons you may not be getting the results you want:
1. Your Profile
Start off with a great headline that pulls people in. Then, say who you are, what you are looking for, and say it in a way that is clear and upbeat. Otherwise, your future partner can’t recognize that he or she belongs with you if you don’t identify yourself. Ask your friends to describe you. This will help you write about yourself.
2. Your Picture
You MUST have a good picture. Some people don’t believe they need one. Yes you do…even if you are well known in your community. And it needs to be current, flattering, showing your face, and not blurry. No driver’s license or passport photos. And don’t forget to smile. Again…ask your friends to help you choose good photos because it’s just amazing how most people don’t know what’s appropriate or appealing.
3. Your Strategy
What do you want out of online dating? Get very clear. If you want a long-term committed relationship, say so. If you say you just “want a friend” for casual dates, but you don’t really mean that, you are going to be disappointed when the person you are dating never wants to get serious. Also, make sure you truly are ready for a relationship if you say you are.
4. Your Site
Investigate which sites represent the type of person you are and the type of person you want to meet. Identify the interests, age group, culture, values, and spirituality that is important to you and that you want the person to have. Don’t waste your time on sites that are never going to be a match.
Somewhere in the above four reasons, you will find where you have not been clear and why you are not getting asked out.
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